Monday, July 31, 2017

An Open Letter to the Running Buddy

Running Buddy,

I am sorry that our marriage was not what you pictured. I have always been honest with you.

My name is Amber.

You often stated that you wanted to marry Amber and not Addison's. However, you cannot have one without the other. They are intricately intertwined.

I can honestly state that I gave our marriage my absolute best. When I learn to do better, I strive to do better. I have spent the past three years working with my cortisol pump to manage my disease.

But notice how I use the word manage, and not cure?

There is no cure for Addison's Disease.

The flares of this disease are triggered by stress. We have had a bit of stress during these three years, have we not? Let us do a quick recap:
  • We moved internationally three days after getting married.
  • I was the only one employed during the first eight months of marriage.
  • Five months into your employment, you stated that you cannot live in Texas. You needed to leave. I said find another job and I shall follow you wherever you lead.
  • You found a job in Nevada.
  • You lost that job in Nevada.
  • You still move, unemployed.
  • I join you in Nevada, three months later, while you are still unemployed.
  • I started working, shortly after moving to Nevada.
  • Through my networking, you are gifted a job.
  • We purchased a house. 
  • You immediately moved into that house. But you required me to remain at the apartment forty-five minutes away for an additional five months.
  • On the day that I moved into the house, you inform me that you are done, burnt out, and cannot continue on with our marriage. You told me that I needed to leave.

Let us consider the fact that I do not have working adrenal glands. I handled each one of these situations to the best of my ability. But when it becomes clear that my best shall never be good enough for you, it is time for me to cut my losses and and for us to go our separate paths.

Do know that I helped you accomplish your dreams. Through my actions you have your job, your house, your puppy, and your vehicle.

You are welcome.

Also, do not worry about me.

I have weathered much tougher storms.

The fact that Addison's Disease has not killed me gives a testament to how much I can survive.

But I shall not merely survive.

I am Clearly Alive.

Dear Readers, I want to let you know that I am safe. I am free. I have escaped. I would not have been able to accomplish that task without the incredible support of my family and friends.

If you are in an abusive relationship, know that you can get out. There are resources available to you, and many stories of encouragement from survivors. 

Do not be afraid to ask for help.

Also, know that abuse escalates. 
Often, it escalates rapidly.

I would like for all of us to remain Clearly Alive.


  1. I'm so sorry you had to endure this. Know that you are strong and amazing and that you have inspired and helped so many people and that we are so glad to have had your presence in our lives.

  2. So sorry that you had to go through this. Your strength and courage inspire many others. You have shown how not to let AI get the better of you. Much love and hugs.

  3. Some people may think Addison's makes you weak, but I know first hand that it makes you strong. It has transformed you into a survivor and yes, you are going to weather this too! You are a positive person and I know you will continue to focus on the good things in your life as you "detox" from this. Its rough, but you get a fresh chance to rebuild even stronger than ever!

  4. You are an inspiration and something (someone) better is waiting for you!

  5. Dear Amber. I feel heart-broken for you that this person that seemed so caring and supportive turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. You've been so courageous to get out; to put yourself and your long-term health first. I'm confident that you'll rebuild a much happier and healthier life for yourself. Let the healing and new adventures begin. Xxx

  6. Makes me angry that you had to go through all this bullshit while trying to stay well. Good riddance to bad garbage.

  7. It's horrible you had to experience this but girl! Look at you! It only makes us stronger, right? I've learned to look back & say, "Thank you for helping make me a badass mf! ��

  8. In a similar situation trying to figure the best way out. Thanks for sharing your courage!


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