Thursday, July 4, 2013

Steady State

Flashbacks from college: Quick! Mathematical Analysis!
I am an electrical engineer so charts like this excite me greatly! It's an RLC circuit! Why would I want to discuss a transient circuit on a blog about living with a chronic disease? Let's look at the response of this circuit to any event.

The input is a square wave. The output does not look like a square wave.
People often state that life is like a roller coaster. If they are more mathematically inclined, life is a sine wave. I like to think of my life with Adrenal Insufficiency like the response of an underdamped transient circuit. My goal? To approach steady state. I want to stabilize my medicine, my emotions, my health. I want to live that "normal life." Sadly, there are some drastic swings before I can reach steady state. April 19th and the adventure following represents one of those swings. But I am happy to report that life is approaching steady state again!

The ζ controls how violently the response wiggles.
This electrical engineering graph can describe everyone's life. Every time there is an event or a change, we react. And each reaction is different. Our ζ varies, which controls the amount of oscillation. There are some living with Adrenal Insufficiency who are able to receive the diagnosis, start the medicine, and feel amazing (critically damped, ζ = 1). Lucky ducks! I had to go through YEARS of experimentation and trial and error before I was able to "stabilize." 

And, I still have bad days. But during those wild oscillations (i.e. the super squiggly part on the graph), I must keep the big picture in mind. My adventure of the last two months was difficult. It started out with a nightmare and continued with an uncountable amount of doctors' appointments and tests. But my life is stabilizing again. I see the "steady state" in sight. And that excites me.

What is the moral of the story? Do not give up hope. It royally stinks when life is spinning out of control, be it due to a chronic disease, stress with a job, or trouble with a relationship. But don't give up. Things will eventually get better.

I will always fight to be Clearly Alive.

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