a brief moment we will play a game: “If only I had known then what I know now”
and “would have, should have, could have”.
If only I
had known then what I know now, this race would not be a memory because I would have argued with you that you NOT
run this race. I also should have forbid you from competing
(as if that were possible). And let’s
not forget that I could have fought
the coaches harder about Gatorade and had you carry fluid & salt with you
(coaches disagreed with anything other than water and I didn’t know the facts
about low sodium levels in AD patients)
I hate playing that game especially when recalling this particular event. You were physically spent (close to a full
blown Addison’s crisis), and I was so mad at myself for not circumventing and
preventing this situation. If only,
would have, should have, could have, blah blah blah.
now that it’s out of my system, I am extremely
grateful that you lived and learned several lessons from this experience. You learned that you WILL NEVER knowingly put
yourself in that situation (or a similar situation) again. You also learned to examine and analyze all the factors surrounding the goal
then make adjustments and when necessary change
the final goal based upon re-evaluation.
Some races should not be run at all.
watching you I learned that running
a race isn’t always about winning or losing but in fact crossing the finish
line. I learned how strong you are
despite insurmountable circumstances and that your sheer determination is a
force to be reckoned with.
am still learning that while looking back (at this event and many others) I
must forgive myself for my lack of knowledge and definitely not let my mind get
stuck in the useless game of “If only I had known then…”
are clearly alive and I am most grateful that we are on this journey together.
Labels: Letters from Mom