The Beast

I was texting a friend about how at times Addison's can be scary. He asked me the simple question, "What's scary about it?"

"I think I have this beast controlled and then I'm reminded how I don't."

"The disease?"

"Yeah. Maybe I should view it as something I shall never fully control. Instead, it's something I work with, symbiotically."

This was something I had not considered before. I always viewed my disease as something that I must manage, I must fully control it. If I take my medicine properly, eat healthy, sleep regularly, and reduce all stress I can box up my disease in a nice and neat box that can be stored on the top shelf where I can forget about it. The disease is managed. I may return to daily living forgetting my burden.

But life doesn't work that way. Unexpected things happen. Nothing in life is fully controllable. So maybe I shouldn't view this disease as something I must control. There are actions I can take that help me manage it better. But I cannot control every aspect of it.

This realization releases much tension and pressure. When I get sick, it'll no longer be "What did I do wrong?!!!" The burden is lifted. Which is kind of nice, considering I came down with a horrible infection recently. Tuesday through Friday are somewhat of a blur for me. And I'm still not fully recovered.

I refuse to let Addison's Disease control me. I will stop viewing Addison's Disease as something that I must control. I cannot ignore it. I cannot minimize or down play it. But I can choose to work with it.

I choose life.

I choose to remain Clearly Alive.