Dear
Amber,
For
a brief moment we will play a game: “If only I had known then what I know now”
and “would have, should have, could have”.
If only I
had known then what I know now, this race would not be a memory because I would have argued with you that you NOT
run this race. I also should have forbid you from competing
(as if that were possible). And let’s
not forget that I could have fought
the coaches harder about Gatorade and had you carry fluid & salt with you
(coaches disagreed with anything other than water and I didn’t know the facts
about low sodium levels in AD patients)
Sometimes
I hate playing that game especially when recalling this particular event. You were physically spent (close to a full
blown Addison’s crisis), and I was so mad at myself for not circumventing and
preventing this situation. If only,
would have, should have, could have, blah blah blah.
But
now that it’s out of my system, I am extremely
grateful that you lived and learned several lessons from this experience. You learned that you WILL NEVER knowingly put
yourself in that situation (or a similar situation) again. You also learned to examine and analyze all the factors surrounding the goal
then make adjustments and when necessary change
the final goal based upon re-evaluation.
Some races should not be run at all.
From
watching you I learned that running
a race isn’t always about winning or losing but in fact crossing the finish
line. I learned how strong you are
despite insurmountable circumstances and that your sheer determination is a
force to be reckoned with.
I
am still learning that while looking back (at this event and many others) I
must forgive myself for my lack of knowledge and definitely not let my mind get
stuck in the useless game of “If only I had known then…”
You
are clearly alive and I am most grateful that we are on this journey together.
I
love you,
Mom
Labels: Letters from Mom